Toby and Me: Cat Speak

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Cat Speak

Mreweeeerrttt asleep…

Good morning Toby.

Morning?

Perhaps I should say ‘the brighter part of the day’?

Oh that? Yes. ‘Morning’.

I have a question: how do we communicate?

‘Communicate’? You mean know what the other is wanting? I don’t know, we just do. Like when I wanted you to stay with me in that room with all the other kittens.

The adoption place? I never planned to stay there.

I found that out later. You took me to here. Which I like.

‘Here’? Ah, you mean our house, with all the other cats and dogs and a rabbit?

Yes. Here.

How do you feel about ‘here’?

I like it. It’s safe here. Food is here. Sandy boxes are here. I sleep well here. Except for when the others bother me.

Who bothers you?

Those you call ‘dogs.’ Big and noisy and chasing things. Drooly too. And they steal food when they can. Do we need them here?

I’m afraid so. Like you, they are a part of this family.

Family? You mean all of us? Not sure about ‘dogs’….

I may have something you may like. A human, a poet, tried to describe cats and their ways. Let me read you something.

THE AD-DRESSING OF CATS

You’ve read of several kinds of Cat,
And my opinion now is that
You should need no interpreter
To understand their character.
You now have learned enough to see
That Cats are much like you and me
And other people whom we find
Possessed of various types of mind.
For some are sane and some are mad
And some are good and some are bad
And some are better, some are worse —
But all may be described in verse.
You’ve seen them both at work and games,
And learnt about their proper names,
Their habits and their habitat:
But

How would you ad-dress a Cat?

So first, your memory I’ll jog,
And say: A CAT IS NOT A DOG.

Now Dogs pretend they like to fight;
They often bark, more seldom bite;
But yet a Dog is, on the whole,
What you would call a simple soul.
Of course I’m not including Pekes,
And such fantastic canine freaks.
The usual Dog about the Town
Is much inclined to play the clown,
And far from showing too much pride
Is frequently undignified.
He’s very easily taken in —
Just chuck him underneath the chin
Or slap his back or shake his paw,
And he will gambol and guffaw.
He’s such an easy-going lout,
He’ll answer any hail or shout.

Again I must remind you that
A Dog’s a Dog — A CAT’S A CAT.

With Cats, some say, one rule is true:
Don’t speak till you are spoken to.
Myself, I do not hold with that –
I say, you should ad-dress a Cat.
But always keep in mind that he
Resents familiarity.
I bow, and taking off my hat,
Ad-dress him in this form: O CAT!
But if he is the Cat next door,
Whom I have often met before
(He comes to see me in my flat)
I greet him with an OOPSA CAT!
I’ve heard them call him James Buz-James —
But we’ve not got so far as names.
Before a Cat will condescend
To treat you as a trusted friend,
Some little token of esteem
Is needed, like a dish of cream;
And you might now and then supply
Some caviare, or Strassburg Pie,
Some potted grouse, or salmon paste —
He’s sure to have his personal taste.
(I know a Cat, who makes a habit
Of eating nothing else but rabbit,
And when he’s finished, licks his paws
So’s not to waste the onion sauce.)
A Cat’s entitled to expect
These evidences of respect.
And so in time you reach your aim,
And finally call him by his NAME.

So this is this, and that is that:
And there’s how you AD-DRESS A CAT.

T. S. Elliot
Old Possum’s Book
of Practical Cats

What do you think of that?

Well, what I understand of it,… yes it describes us well as cats. We are thankfully not dogs. Oh, the thought of it. And we do not freely give our names out. But we can be given names we respond to.

That reminds me of another Elliot poem:

                          THE NAMING OF CATS

The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter,
    It isn't just one of your holiday games;
You may think at first I'm as mad as a hatter
When I tell you, a cat must have THREE DIFFERENT NAMES.
First of all, there's the name that the family use daily,
    Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo or James,
Such as Victor or Jonathan, George or Bill Bailey —
    All of them sensible everyday names.
There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter,
    Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames:
Such as Plato, Admetus, Electra, Demeter —
    But all of them sensible everyday names.
But I tell you, a cat needs a name that's particular,
    A name that's peculiar, and more dignified,
Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular,
    Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride?
Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum,
    Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo, or Coricopat,
Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum —
    Names that never belong to more than one cat.
But above and beyond there's still one name left over,
    And that is the name that you never will guess;
The name that no human research can discover —
    But THE CAT HIMSELF KNOWS, and will never confess.
When you notice a cat in profound meditation,
    The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
    Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name:
        His ineffable effable
        Effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular Name.

T. S. Elliot
Old Possum’s Book
of Practical Cats

I like it. I can see how you humans see cats. And how you name us.

Like ‘Toby’?

Yes. The sound you say when you see me. I have come to know it as me. When I start to run away when you enter a room and you say that name, it makes me calm down and stay. …And makes me say my cat-name which I will tell only to you: Mreweeeerrttt.

Really? That funny little trilling you make when you respond to ‘Toby’?

Yes. It is longer than that, but close enough.

What does it mean?

In your words ‘Brave of heart but quick of feet.’

Interesting. And the names of the other cats in the house?

Each has their own name they call themselves, and that can change day to day. But I know them by the names I know.

Such as?

The young one I like to play with the most is Xander. He is known by me as ‘Twitchy head who slides up to Mreweeeerrttt.’ Or occasionally ‘One who needs to know who is Boss.’ And then there is the one you call ‘Grace.’ Her name to me, ‘Stealer of food and not right in the head.’

You noticed that about her too?

Then there is the one you call Honey. She is ‘Older than I know but Wise.’ And Pyewacket: ‘Leader so easy to Annoy.’

Would that name have anything to do with you putting a paw on Pye’s forehead and watching him try to hit you but can’t because your legs are so long?

Maybe…

And the names of the dogs?

I know them only as ‘Loud stealer of food’ and ‘Louder stealer of food,’ otherwise known as ‘Stinky.’

Very appropriate.

Now can I get those hard crunchy things to eat and we can sit on the couch together and sleep?

Sure, why not Mr. Mreweeeerrttt.

Shhhhhh! Don’t say that out loud or tell anyone else! That is between us.

Sure, sure. By the way, you can’t read can you?

What’s reading?

Perfect. Let’s go get you some of those cat treats, Toby.

Yum!

Mreweeeerrttt. Shhhhhh….

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